By neil oram
One SEES one is competitive.
Next comes (a) Digestionn
So what illustrates to oneself that one has changed one’s competitive behaviour…including one’s psychic disposition?
Does one FEEL more alive?
FEEL very different?
Let’s start again. It suddenly dawns!!! I am very competitive. I even compete with myself. I never STOP competing. I can SEE it’s going on. Right NOW. I’m permeated with it. I CAN’T STOP SEEING IT!!!
Now why do I have to do ANYTHING?
WHO says I have to digest this awareness? Process it? Implement it?
Sounds like the grounds for a new competition. Like ‘competing with the idea of certainty’. Wanting to be inviolable. ON TOP! Fucking SURE. Phallic majesty.
It’s all to do with wanting to TELL!!! Wanting to SHOW OFF!! Impress. Impress. Impress. Impress. Impress!
Amongst those who don’t want to die, signs of aging seem very unattractive. It’s my guess most don’t want to die. Now then…who is able to SEE that jealousy is an ingredient in their apprehension of getting CLOSER to what they don’t want to be?
Competitiveness and jealousy. SEE the relationship?
“I am a jealous god! I don’t tolerate ANY rivalry. In fact it’s my distinct policy to eliminate anyone daring to minimize my constellation of advantages…daring to compete with ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!”
WHERE do you imagine this type of psychic scenario is taking place? Somewhere you’ve never been?
Well it’s taking place in ME isn’t it? Yes, ME. So…who is ME?
Well this question of identification is a real tin opener. Corkscrew.
Say you’ve just been taken to the cleaners and someone you know just loves to exhibit their life of outrageous luxury. You’re feeling old and subject to sudden bouts of pain, when your sex crazy son or friend or enemy disappears with your new beautiful goddess wife.
Is it ALL a game of CHANCE? Wouldn’t you like to know? Well I know the answer. Does this give ME an advantage over those who don’t?
What if ‘I’ and ‘ME’ are not the same? Don’t refer to the same on or off operations?
Is ‘ME’ competing’ with ‘I’?
Like ‘ME’ is dying and ‘I’ can’t die.
What about if ‘ME’ wants ‘I’ to think ‘I’ is ‘ME’? That would be a BIG WIN for ME. Me could certainly STRUT ABOUT with that mask accepted and blindly displayed.
Making ‘I’ a slave seems to be ‘ME’s career. If you’ve SEEN this……don’t waste your wonderful gift of TIME on imagining that ‘ME’ is bad and ‘I’ is GOOD.
Rejection and acceptance. That same old competitive game. Even PATIENCE is competitive. And it’s ALL a dis-traction from what? (A Dis-track is a track connected to Chaos).
The Twin Towers were a form of order. Order then chaos. Or was there chaos before the apparent order?
The collision of two meanings? Is this then THE competition: that between perceived order and perceived CHAOS? Or between actual order and perceived chaos?
Or between actual CHAOS and perceived (or desired) ORDER?
And what if the chaos of the daily perceived whirld is the outcome of the strife between ‘I’ and ‘ME’?
And what if BOTH are forms of a basic miss-understanding?
Now how will you know whether you’ve really understood that or not?
Do you reckon there would be a distinct advantage in being the recipient of such a devastating insight? An illuminating insight. Only you’ll know.
And if you’ve got this far, you’ll know that there are MANY forms of miss-understandings. So, how about leaving those power games to rot…and ALLOW ‘UNDERSTANDING’ to step forward and be radiantly PRESENT?
Immediately I could hear a child’s laughter approaching my solitary red-roofed pine-log studio/cabin.
© neil oram 2007