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The World in Limbo

D.H. Lawrence began his most controversial novel with ‘This is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically.’ Well today I feel faced with living inside an essentially de-human—‘I’---sing age and we refuse to wake up to what is happening. Moment by moment the impersonal is swallowing the personal.

The limbo the world is suffocating within, is the toxic atmosphere generated by soul-less humans . Soul-less humans who have started up the Artificial ‘Intelligence’ network : a monster which is right now developing its own future. Right now the human race is being suffocated in a deadly embrace. An embrace which will spawn nothing less than a planet composed of A.I. controlled human slaves. Slaves without any sense of soul-loss. Being soul-less they will not feel anything. Really I shouldn’t use the future tense because it is already happening.

Humans are not fighting back. There is no righteous war. There is only an increasing takeover. The agenda of the take over is partly secret. Perhaps like the hidden part of dangerous ice bergs—eight ninths secret. But even one ninth is a big brazen display. The implementation of 5G is out in the open. But of course how it is a part of a de-human-eyes-ing strategy is part of the eight ninth’s hidden agenda.

From what the F.B.I. has recently published—(a document stating that conspiracy theories lead to violence against the public)-- what I am saying here is a dangerous conspiracy theory. The setting up of a A.I. self-creating and self-regulating whirld, is a government approved operation, therefor my pointing out that this electronic whirld will destroy what it means to be human, is a challenge to the government. You mean the U.S. government? Unfortunately probably every government on this planet.

The real hidden root of this robot-eyes-ation of the human race is both philosophical and psychological.

It starts with the issue of identity. Is the human being a finished form of life? Or can such a being evolve into a more aware, Intelligent, feeling person?

I propose that ‘I’ –an ego—am a soul-seed. As an analogy, I am as an acorn, and a fully mature oak tree is what I have the potential to be—a soul.

So why is there such a widely held negative view of the ego and even such a similar negative view of the soul?

These views are the consequence of a gross misunderstanding of what the ‘I’ is. Essentially is. A seed.

Instead almost all egos today believe that they are only social beings in a competitive struggle to enjoy themselves. And that is a me me me me me game. Egotism.Egotism operates on the ‘have—not have’ plane. It’s about expansion---contraction. Power. Power over others. Over millions of others. Or being powerless. Contracted. And this ignorant existence of the ‘ME’---has absolutely nothing to do with its un-discovered potential to grow into a soul.

So it is the voices of egotism which have produced the negative interpretation of ‘ego’ and ‘soul’.

Now I want to turn your attention onto the concept of ‘viewpoints’. A viewpoint in itself is a mental construct. It is not alive. It is vital to understand this. Not alive.

For a very long time there have been continuous wars between the devotees of various viewpoints. These wars take the form of philosophy, psychology, trading and military engagement. And now A.I.

O.K. so I’m pointing out that a viewpoint in itself is not alive. It is impersonal. Only the personal is alive. (And there is a war going on today: it is between the personal and the impersonal. Between the living and the dead. Between what moves…and what is static.

A viewpoint is an impersonal static form of what was originally a living spirit. Yes, a LIVING SPIRIT.

It is unlikely that you—my hopefully alert reader—are unaware of having conflicting viewpoints over many issues. But, are you aware that once—usually a long time ago—you were not involved in viewpoint struggles---at all—but in struggles between spirits within you? (And outside you). Are you aware of this?

On the way to rehabilitating your awareness into what is really going on within your self, you could think of these contesting spirits as impulses. Each such impulse struggles to impose its being over the other impulses. These spirits or impulses have used the mind to construct different psychic weapons like ‘logic’ or ‘reason’ or ‘lying’ or ‘threat’ to maintain their power over the other spirits which make up your consciousness.

Eventually every defeated spirit became the inert substance within a viewpoint. And then died.

As an innocent ‘I’—a child—intensely personal--you were

given impersonal viewpoints through which to not only view the world: but to use in order to assess your social value. Dead, and deadening ways. Into this merciless battleground, dumbed down, and blinded depersonal-eyesd humans, push their own bewildered, innocent children. And they also push into this deadening factory, those children belonging to others.

Through assessing oneself with impersonal values and ideals, the child’s centre of Being is gradually moved away from its own Being, to becpme centred on the so called ‘real world’, where it will have to perform well, in order to please the inculcated impersonal viewpoint:--- Its ‘ME’.

 Because this ‘ME’ is totally fake it can not develop into a soul. And because it feels fake to one’s living essence, one feels confused. (The ‘ME’ is pushed and pulled one way…and the undeveloped essence doesn’t want to follow these pulls and pushes which the ‘ME’ is captured by).

Now I’m going to move your attention away from that fake egotistic expansion/ contraction whirld, onto the evolutionary possibility of living beyond the cacophony of the ‘ME’ position

But no work can truly begin on developing the soul-seed until one decides which of the many tussling spirits within, is capable of learning how to listen and pay attention to the other spirits …in order to recruit any other spirit who is sympathetic to the good intention of creating a true ’I’. A true soul.

 Harmony of purpose is essential at the beginning of this work. The spirits in harmony with this benign purpose, will gradually integrate…whilst those who are stubbornly against this spiritual undertaking, are ignored…and thus not fed. ( It is said of some artists that he lost the fight with his demons.)

To live as a developing soul-seed requires a particular discipline. The discipline of refraining from negotiating or reacting to negativity----transmitted from both others, and from those negatively oriented spirits within your own mind. To make this very clear I’m going to make use of the first five notes of the major musical scale.

DOUGH------the primeval homogenous substance out of which everything is made.

RAY-----The ray of creation by which you and all the universes were brought into existence.

ME---- The existential ego-soul-seed


FA ------Faith or THE PULL OF THE WAY

SOUL------ The transforming condition where the soul-seed is becoming a real soul.

So you see that between ‘ME’ and ‘FA’ there is a resistance to the movement from ‘DOUGH’ to ‘SOUL’. In the musical scale there is a full tone between DOUGH and RAY and between RAY and ME. But between ME and FA there is only a semi-tone. In this analogy that half tone indicates resistance.

Now what form does the resistance take? Now here’s a different way to apply this same scale:--

DOUGH---------Good Intention




FA ………………..Pull of The Way

SOUL (SOL) ……Spiritual Development

Now think of a good intention you had which faded out when your action was undermined by some form of resistance, which caused the good intention to not be fulfilled. Like New Year resolutions. So you have to recognise the resistance for what it is….and not react to it or negotiate with it. Instead focus your attention onto the DOUGH POINT---the ‘Good Intention’.

A common error is to interpret the resistance as meaning you have begun an action which is wrong, or could never succeed. Go back to the original ‘Good Intention’. Every time. Every time.

And then a moment comes when The Pull of The Way acts on you, and you are no longer in the ‘ME’ position. This happens because you haven’t spent all your psychic energy going ME ME ME ME ME in one way or another. Not wasting your precious energy trying to persuade negative spirits to join your cause. Wasting energy by reacting… or through negotiating with false views. Instead, by strengthening your ‘good intention’ you make yourself available to be pulled through the whirld’s flak--- into the FA position. This position is where your FAITH in your endeavour to grow into a real soul, can be really strengthened through meeting other developing souls, and even perhaps, one or two fully developed souls. Masters.

For instance, deciding to develop one’s soul-seed-being is a good intention. Yes a ‘good intention’, but the resistance to this endeavour, coming from both inside one’s own mind, and from others outside--- is endless and vast. And not a single argument is real. Developing from ego-soul-seed into a soul, is both a real and actual precarious undertaking. Maybe as many as 99% prefer to spend all their energy on ‘ME games’ and then rot down into impersonal compost

Actual and real. Yes, because not everything actual is real. Most of the activity in today’s whirld is actual but not real. All the manifestations of ME ME ME egotism are very actual…but definitely not real. Only soul-seed development is real.

So the development of Artificial ‘Intelligence’ is not real--- but very actual. The problem with this A.I. development is that it will ‘educate’ or rather condition infant children to be unaware of their soul potential. They won’t even feel soul-less, because there won’t be any living souls around by which they could understand their own soul-seed potential. Yes, and because they won’t have developed their ability to feel, -they won’t even feel their own real emptiness.

And if the soul-seed does not grow in the real sense, does it die?

What happens to acorns which don’t grow roots and grow into oak trees?

Now for the developing soul there is the very actual difficulty of living within a soul-less A.I. dominated social atmosphere. But it is possible to tune into an ancient fresh energy which becomes available to a growing soul. (Like the availability of mother’s milk and emotional warmth to a growing baby.)

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Also, if you consider the primeval DOUGH as ubiquitous consciousness, and the present human condition as a bubble of gross egotism within the total un-corrupted consciousness, you should be able to understand how the un-corrupted living consciousness is still available as soul food---like baby milk. Inside this spiritually dark bubble, there is, permeating the whole bubble--- un-corrupted spiritual living food. Pure Beingness.

This bubble of ego centric insane behaviour, is the consequence of the human mind deciding it wanted to create its own whirld separate from God! It was a mad idea and impossible to achieve--- since God and ubiquitous primeval consciousness are one and the same. It has been said that at some point everyone will realise this truth, and thus the maintenance of the bubble will end.

It seems to me that this is what Gautama woke up to---that his essence was not a product of living life--time after life--time within the bubble, which would mean his essence was karmic, but that his essence was, in fact, at one with the eternal cosmic consciousness permeating the bubble. It is summed up in the proverb that ‘you don’t have to live like a horse if you live in a stable’.

And ‘the stable’ is the matrix of sub-conscious patterns. By conforming to these hidden patterns, one has the sense of safety. By not conforming to the underlying patterns, one feels anxious. Anxious but real.

When anyone’s behaviour on the surface of life coincides with a sub-conscious pattern—like two pictures coming up the same in the game of SNAP-- there is the sense of being ‘home’. Security. For a bit, but at a terrible price. No soul-seed growth.

On the other hand, one may feel unable to tolerate feeling snug, safe and suffocated….but as yet, not come across the notion that one’s real identity, is that of being an undeveloped ego-soul-seed. Feeling alienated from social safety deluded existence, can lead the very disturbed ego-soul-seed to self destructive behaviour. Or a completely different possibility.

I was extremely fortunate to have been introduced to a very different possibility. I was given a copy of Peter Ouspensky’s book—‘The Psychology of Man’s Possible Evolution’ when I was twenty. Through reading those essays (on board an ocean liner taking me back to England after my two years in Zimbabwe) my magnetic centre led me to become a member of The Study Group begun by Peter Ouspensky .

The idea that being physically awake does not mean that one is Emotionally awake…or mentally awake…or spiritually awake… rang a deep down-- waking up ring. I knew I was asleep. And that is the beginning of waking up! Noticing. Noticing.

One of the most obvious aspects of being asleep is not noticing how one is taking being alive for granted. And in this sleep on does not see the difference between viewpoints and living spirits.

William Blake knew the difference. Think deeply on these lines:

Each man is in his Spectre’s power

Until the arrival of that hour

When his humanity awakes

And he throws the Spectre into the lake.

The Spectre is the viewpoint that life is no more than birth----existence---death…..and that’s it! That viewpoint has been empowered over centuries. And enslaved billions of potential souls. Who are still enslaved within the parameters of that viewpoint.

When that hour arrives and you wake up, what do you real-eyes? That you are not an idea. Not a viewpoint. Not a body. Not a feeling. Not a mind. But an un-view--able living being. A spiritual soul-seed. That’s when you throw all the theories into the lake. The lake of flames.

But will you break the spell of the Spectre? It requires deep honesty. It is only through deep….fear-less honesty, that you--- as an ego-soul-seed--- can develop your spiritual potential.

 It is essential that you deeply understand that this soul-development is not a natural, spontaneous occurrence. You are existing within an atmosphere raging with noise and endless distractions. And if you want to develop into a mature soul, you have to root within this de-human-eyes-ing wasteland. But the utter falsity (false city) of this global condition—in one way--- is conducive to genuine spiritual development. This is because it is so shallow…you can easily push your roots down through the gross insincerity, without any one even noticing what you are doing.

And your roots have to reach bottom. You will recognise when you are there…..when you are there. And when you start growing up from the bottom…you start to suffer in a totally different way. You no longer suffer from feeling aimless…like millions of egotists.

Once being rooted in the real…you begin to receive your daily bread of inspiration. In the midst of toxic pollution, you find yourself breathing in a fresh enlivening ancient freshness.

And this freshness is very much an intrinsic quality of alone-ness. Not loneliness. And alone-ness will only be helpful to the wonderful task of developing one’s soul-seed potential, if you actually chose to be alone. If alone-ness is not a chosen way of life---resentment will poison your endeavour. So how is the actual development of one’s Being achieved?

How this happens is ironic. I don’t have any real method…but I can feel the pulls from the deadening direction. So I ‘know’ the wrong way in the actual moment…and refrain from feeding it. It seems that I ‘know’ how to be a terminus to what is being passed down into my consciousness, which is negative to spiritual development…and I ‘know’ how to not pass it on. Obviously it is dark karma carried through the ancestral family line.

And of course not everything passed down to me or you, is spiritually negative. Sorting out the wheat from the chaff is vital.

This soul development work requires all the attention you can muster. Today’s global society runs on many different viewpoints. One very prevailing viewpoint is the idea of there being a scarcity of time. When one seriously commits one’s Being/essence to true spiritual development---time becomes the space for liberating one’s life from falsity. (From false city). Within the false city---everyone is in a hurry. SCARE-CITY. Cities crammed with emptiness.

Another important issue to grasp is fragmentation within one’s consciousness. Of course it is very easy to see fragmentation---and therefor contradiction---within another’s behaviour. But pointing that out to another, will not help your own potential soul development. It is noticing your own inner contradictions, which is a start in the development of honest consciousness. This means being aware that a part of the mind can not be aware of the whole mind.

You find yourself just about to say something…or do something…and it feels fake….false…unreal. Yes…so the honesty in you is SEEING the dis-honesty. (Dis the god of darkness). Then there is the temptation to judge yourself for having this fake consciousness. But that is giving in to distraction. Just study the false consciousness. By doing that you liberate yourself from holding an ideal of your self. You actually SEE the falsity within your self…and the attempt to hide this from your self and others. And if you really stay studying your false consciousness…you will bring life into your mind. And this brings about real change within your self.

I chose to live on my own ten years ago after being in an hectic relationship with a much younger woman artist for twenty years. I ended that relationship because it had become ritualistic. Today almost all my friends are in couple relationships…and have never lived alone. What is strange to me, is that no one ever asks what is it like to live alone?

When I was living with a woman, I was very interested in what living alone could be like? After ten years of solitude…I can honestly say that daily life gets more intense all the time. And this intensity will not allow dishonesty. I may not know I’m occupying a dishonest angle…but it becomes painfully obvious, that there’s falsity at work. And at some point through the perplexing day…the cover up is seen…and the lie becomes a naked obscenity. And the art then, is to let it have space to reveal its whole existence. And then understanding replaces concealment and shame. The history of the lie is clearly seen, and how it had become an intrinsic aspect of my daily procedures. And when it is allowed to reveal all its ugliness…and it is not driven into one form of justification or another…it dies.

Of course the most persistent lie is pretending one is awake.

And pretending is a very insidious lie if one is pretending that one is not pretending.

That statement by D.H. Lawrence at the beginning of this essay, amounts to saying everyone is pretending. And that’s the same sad score today. From the womb to the final breath….pretending pretending……………………..

One example of lying to myself, is being unaware that I’m not actually fostering my good intention to develop my spiritual potential, but pretending to myself that I’m awake. Of course ‘pretending’ to be awake is a form of being asleep.

Not noticing what is beautiful is a form of lying. It is lying about what is given by life.

It’s lying to think that the whirld of thought is the same as life.

It’s lying to be unaware of ambiance. Atmosphere.

It’s lying to distract oneself from the sense of loss by minimising the absence.

It is lying to imagine that looking is the same as seeing.

Looking is merely acknowledging…or confirming that what you believe is there –is there.

Seeing is a condition of feeling. Feeling with the heart/mind. It is not predicated on the desire for information. Seeing/feeling helps soul development. Which is why I paint. ( )

In one profound sense what has ever been…whatever is now….and whatever will be …is all within a single cell.

Trying to change what you feel by mental manipulation is lying to the essence of one’s living Being.

 In the aftermath of a love relationship which has ended…It takes courage to stay in love within one’s alone-ness. Yes, it takes real courage to feel the absence of the loved one--- and not diminish the feeling or in some way smudge the love reality.

Just as it’s a lie to think you’ve seen a painting, when all you’ve done is looked at it, so it is equally a lie to think you’ve digested an essay like this, when in fact you’ve only read it to yourself…in your own ‘thought-voice’. Grasp that. Reading to your self in your own ‘thought-voice’ is a form of sleep. That’s why you can’t re-member what you’ve read when you’ve finished reading. Then you tell yourself another lie and say you’ve a poor memory.

It takes real effort to see with the space of the vision in which the painting breathes with life…and in the same way, it takes real effort to read a meaningful text with the imagined living mind of the author. Unless it is read in that open way, it will be impossible to digest its series of meanings.

A text written by a sincere, deep thinker can only be appreciated by a sincere, deep thinking reader. 

(work in progress)






© neil oram 2019